The Leaders Who Grow Fastest Have One Thing in Common. It's Not Talent.

A mentor called me recently with feedback I did not ask for. He said: "You have a way of drawing people in. You could smile at me while stabbing me in the back with a knife and I wouldn't care. I'd give you what you want."

I laughed. Then I sat with it. He meant presence. The kind that makes people lean in, trust you, want to be in the room with you. His point was that the woman he knew was nowhere on my website.

He was right.

I had done exactly what I advise every founder not to do. I had separated myself from my brand. I was performing professionalism instead of showing up as myself. The sparkle, the warmth, the unexpected humor, none of it was there. Just a very polished, very competent, very forgettable version of me.

That call began forward momentum I could not stop once it started.

Accepting Feedback Is Hard. Let's Just Say That Out Loud.

I want to be honest: accepting feedback without becoming defensive has not always been my first instinct. I was quite the stinker when I was younger. It took being in a leadership role, where I had to accept feedback in order to give my team what they needed, for me to realize that defensiveness was not serving me or them.

The stuff that was meant to sting, I let go. The feedback that had merit, I took in. We all have blind spots. That is where the issues we need to address hide. If someone points one out, listen. Then ask yourself if they might be right.

Doing that takes self-awareness, which is a feature that does not come standard in the human base model. It is an upgrade, and it requires constant upkeep. The mentor call was one of those times I could have laughed it off, told myself he was being dramatic, and moved on. I did not. And what happened next is why I am writing this.

The Feedback Kept Coming. I Kept Saying Yes.

A few days later a friend reached out. She had visited my website and asked if she could offer some advice. I accepted.

She told me I am a great storyteller for others. Then she said something I have not stopped thinking about since. She said I am like Gandalf. The leaders I work with are Frodo. I take them on a hero's journey where they are the hero and I am the guide. She asked why my website did not read like that. She was right. So I restructured the copy across the entire site before the end of the day.

She handed me exactly what I needed to hear. The only honest response was to do something about it.

The very next day I went to a networking event and met a founder who was frustrated with her social media engagement. Within a few minutes of hearing her talk about her work I could see exactly what was missing. She was fabulous and passionate. Her social posts were not. As I told her what I was seeing, I began to realize I had been doing the same thing.

It's Always Easier to See in Someone Else First.

That moment stopped me. Here I was, helping a founder find her authentic voice, and I was editing mine out of my own brand. I was not being a hypocrite intentionally. I just could not see it from the inside.

That is the thing about blind spots. They are not visible by definition.

Which is the whole reason an outside eye matters. A mentor who tells you the truth. A friend who visited your website and cared enough to say something. A founder you just met who unknowingly hands you a mirror.

None of those moments were comfortable at first. All of them made me better.

What This Has to Do With You

I ask leaders to stay open to feedback. To hear the hard thing without getting defensive and act on it even when it is uncomfortable.

Man accepting feedback from a colleague

I can't ask anyone else to do that if I'm not willing to do it myself.

All of those moments happened within days of each other. Three different people handed me the same mirror from three different angles. I didn't go looking for any of it, but I said yes every time it showed up.

That is the practice. Not seeking out criticism for criticism's sake, just staying open enough to accept the feedback. And when people know you are willing to listen, more will come. Each of these moments offers you an opportunity to improve. That is why feedback is a gift.

The leaders who grow the fastest are the ones who stay open even when the feedback is hard. Because the spiky comments can be some of the best. When you get that kind of feedback, act on it that day, and make sure you thank the person who gave it to you.

Because clarity and knowledge are gifts worth giving and receiving.

---

Frequently Asked Questions About Receiving Feedback as a Leader

Why is feedback so hard for high performers?

Because high performers have often built their identity around being the one who gets it right. Feedback that challenges that feels like a threat to the identity, not just the idea. The leaders who grow past that point are the ones who learn to separate the feedback from their sense of self. It takes years of practice. It is worth every bit of it.

How do you get better at accepting feedback?

Start by noticing your first reaction. Not changing it, just noticing it. Defensiveness is almost always the first response. The practice is learning to push it down long enough to ask one question: is there anything useful in this? Sometimes the answer is no. But you have to get quiet enough to hear the difference.

What does leading by example look like when it comes to feedback?

It looks like saying yes when someone asks if they can offer advice. It looks like implementing the suggestion the same day when they are right. It looks like being willing to blow up something you worked hard on because someone handed you a better idea. Leaders who ask their teams to stay open to feedback have to model that behavior themselves. Every time. Not just when it is easy.

How do you create a culture of openness on a leadership team?

It starts at the top. If the people leading the organization are defensive when challenged, the team learns quickly that feedback is not actually welcome. The opposite is also true. When leaders visibly act on feedback, say where an idea came from, and give credit to the person who handed them the mirror, they signal that honesty is safe. That signal travels fast.

Can you stay open to feedback without losing your confidence?

Yes. And this is important. Staying open to feedback is not the same as agreeing with everything you hear. It means listening long enough to decide what is useful. Confidence is not rigidity. The most confident leaders I have worked with are the ones who can hear a hard thing, sit with it, and decide what to do next without falling apart. That steadiness is the goal.

How do you know when feedback is worth acting on?

When it names something you already sensed but could not see clearly yourself. That is the tell. The mentor's feedback landed because somewhere underneath it I already knew the woman he described was missing from my website. The friend's Gandalf observation landed because the hero's journey frame was already part of how I thought about my work. Good feedback does not usually surprise you completely. It clarifies something that was already true.

---

About the Author

Kim Fischer is a strategic communications advisor who helps leadership teams align on narrative, messaging, and trust during high-stakes moments. She is a former investigative journalist and communications executive with more than 20 years of experience working with CEOs and founders.